Parody of the Opera
by riot3672
Summary: Erik's got a sunburn, Christine's schizophrenic, and Raoul has unnaturally swishy hair. The Phantom wants his salary and Meg's his daughter. What could possibly go wrong? A movie parody.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: haha, this is my first fanfic. It's strictly a dumb parody so if it gets a few giggles I'm happy.

Warning: subtle Raoul bashing

Disclaimer: I do not own the Phantom of the Opera movie, or play.

* * *

Overture/ Think of Me

Carlotta: *singing annoyingly*

Carlotta's maids: Jesus she's horrible

Rauol: Goodbye my snowflake ponies! I'm off to be a patron!

Old Manager: Hey guys, stop performing *everyone stops* thank you. I'm leaving, as the bathroom wall has said. Here's your new managers. Firmin and Andre. And this is your new partron.

Christine: *to Meg* OMG I knew him Meg! I know the guy with swishy hair!

Raoul: I'm happy to be here and watch u ppl sing. But I think you guys need more practice—er—I mean I'm keeping you from your rehearsal *leaves*

Firmin: So, Madame Giry, who is that blonde girl?

Madame Giry: That is my daughter Meg.

Firmin: And that exceptional beauty

Madame Giry: Christine Daae? Why are you looking like her so much?

Firmin: o_o. Er. Um. Continue!

Madame Giry: *thinking* Meg's the daughter of the Phantom and nobody cares…

Carlotta: *complains about something useless while trying to impress the managers* Y'know what? I will not sing!! Where is my doggie??

Firmin: Why not?

Carlotta: MY COSTUME IS NOT READY AND…I ATE MY HAT

Firmin: You WHAT?

Carlotta: I hate my hat!

Firmin: You ATE your HAT?

Carlotta: Y'know what, FINE! I'll sing!

*starts over with song*

Phantom unknown to everyone but the readers: *drops curtain on Carlotta*

Dancers: lul

Managers: lulz o_o Er. CARLOTTA! *looks up at worker guys* WHAT THE HELL YOU GUYS?

Stage Guy: It's a ghost wooo! Spooky!!

Carlotta: AURGH! BYEE *leaves*

Madame Giry: The Opera Ghost hates you guys already and says you owe him money

Managers: um. Who's going to sing now? *stand dumbly*

Madame Giry: T_T …Christine can sing

Managers: :D Really???

Madame Giry: *rolls eyes* yeah, she's great and she has a great teacher

Managers: WHO?

Christine: an angel ^_^

Managers: 0_o *thinking* nutcase…er…

Managers: SING

Christine: *sings and sings in the play*

Raoul: *watching the play* :D MY OLD GIRLFRIEND! OMG SHE'S WORTH SOMETHING NOW

* * *

**A/N: **I'll put up the next chapter with it.

R&R


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yupp, here's the next chapter. Still just a random and stupid parody :]

* * *

Angel of Music/ Phantom of the Opera 

Meg: Oh Christine! There you are! Where have you been?

Christine: SHH MEG! The voice is trying to talk to me!

Meg: x_0 the…voice?

Christine: *rolls eyes* my Angel of Music

Meg: Oh, right. *thinking* she sounded horrible last month, she might sound like a nutcase but she may be telling the truth

Christine: When father died, he told me I'd get the Angel of Music. Now he came back, and he's teaching me music

Meg: Some random angel?

Christine: Oh, no! My father is the angel of music

Meg: The Angel of Music is a deformed musician who's posing as your father?

Christine: _No. _The Angel of Music _is _my father!

Meg: Oh. Alrighty then.

Christine: Oh Meg, he's been here since father left for Heaven. He sings to me when I sleep and he's in my dreams.

Meg: *thinking* I think Mother said Daddy used to do that to some person…

Meg: Christine, I hate to burst your bubble but I think _my _father is the Angel of Music acting as your stalker

Christine: 0_o What?

Meg: Er. I mean… CHRISTINE I THINK THAT YOUR ANGEL IS JUST A STORY

Christine: Meg! Of course he's real. I can hear him now!

Meg: *thinking* I'm pretty sure there's some mental disorder for that.

Christine: He's calling to me

Meg: Christine, you're cold

Christine: I'm frightened

Meg: Don't be frightened *thinking* although if he is her stalker I should advise her to _be _afraid.

Meg: I'll be off then.

Christine: Bye Meg!

*Raoul enters*

Raoul: Little Lotte!

Christine: Rauol!

Raoul: Christine!

Christine: Rauol!

Raoul: You did wonderfully tonight. C'mon, let's get out of here

Christine: I can't. The Angel of Music says I must stay

Raoul: What else does this angel tell you?

Christine: He told me I can't marry, look at other men, or question his motives ^_^

Raoul: -_- Just come in two minutes

*Raoul leaves as Phantom/Erik locks the door to Christine's dressing room*

Erik (otherwise known as Phantom): INSOLENT BOY THE SLAVE OF FASHION. BASKING IN YOUR GLORY. IGNORANT FOOL. THIS BRAVE YOUNG SUITER. SHARING IN MY TRIUMPH.

Christine: Angel! OMG I'm sorry! I broke your rules again I'm sorry! :'( I love you :D

Erik: Oh, flattering child, I forgive you. See why in shadow I hide. Look at your face in the mirror. I am there inside.

Christine: What does that mean, master?

Erik: Er…look in the mirror. You can see me :)

Christine: :D OH! *falls into zombie trance staring at image of Phantom*

*Christine takes Erik's gloved hand and steps into the French Opera version of Narnia*

Christine: In sleep, he sang to me. In dreams he came.

Erik: *thinking* In her sleep, I sang to her in bedroom. In dreams she woke up and accidentally saw me.

Christine: That voice that calls to me and speaks my name

Erik: *thinking* because otherwise this whole scheme wouldn't have worked

Christine: And do I dream again for now I find, the Phantom of the Opera is there inside my mind

Erik: 0_o *thinking* how did she get Phantom from angel?

Christine: OMG PONY RIDE!! :D

Erik: Sing once again with me, our strange duet. My power over you grows stronger yet *thinking* haha YES! My plan is working PERFECTLY

Erik: And though you turn from me to glance behind, the Phantom of the Opera is there inside your mind

Christine: BOAT RIDE! :D

Christine: Those who have seen your face draw back in fear. I am the mask you wear.

Erik: It's me they hear

Christine and Erik: Your/My spirit and my/your voice in one combined. The Phantom of the Opera is there inside your/my mind.

*enter Erik's awesome bachlor pad*

Christine: OMG those candles came lit from water! This really IS Narnia!!

Erik: Er. How did that happen?

Christine: I love you Phantom for taking me to Narnia

Erik: *smiles* No problem

Both: Whoa whoa whoa. What is up with the electric guitar?! 0_o That hasn't been invented yet!

Christine: NARNIA! :D

Erik: sing my angel of music

Christine: *sings*

Erik: Sing my angel

Christine: I am!

Erik: Sing for me!

Christine: There's no one else down here! How am I supposed to be singing to someone else!?

Erik: I have brought you here to learn from me so we can make music together ^_^

Christine: OKAY! :D

Erik: *thinking* Okay, c'mon man. You have to do it this time. Your dignity depends on it. You can't stay a virgin forever! Wait what about…NO! No, that doesn't count! Must seduce Christine…

Erik: Serenades her with Music of the Night

Christine: *sees lifesize doll and faints*

Erik: *cough* maybe marriage was too sudden *finishes serenade and puts her into bed*

**R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you to yauksiei for the review.

I just realized I had spelled Raoul wrong for two chapters which is kind of pathetic considering I'm reading the original novel now 0_0.

I'm sorry Raoul. Here: Raoul, Raoul, Raoul, Raoul

* * *

I Remember/Notes/Prima Donna

Christine: I remember mist, a lake, ponies, ponies, and Narnia. Hmmm, what happened? Oh YEAH! There was a man!

*Erik continues to compose*

Christine: Who WAS that guy? The masked guy? *sees Erik* THERE YOU ARE!

*Christine approaches him and touches his face to take off the mask*

Erik: *thinking* Well, since last night didn't work out maybe this morning…

Christine: Wait. Where are…my STOCKINGS?

Erik: Er…um…The Opera Ghost stole them! 0_0

Christine: 0_0 Really?? Oh, well then. You really should get some ghost security around here, y'know?

*Christine pulls off Erik's mask and he pushes her over covering his face*

Erik: Damn you!

Christine: What did I do?

Erik: You little prying Pandora!

Christine: Wait! Who's Pandora? What did I do???

Erik: You little demon! *pulls down sheet from mirror* THIS is what you wanted to see?

Christine: OOOh! I didn't know you had mirrors around here!! Hey! Wait! Move OVER! I CAN'T SEE YOUR FACE!!!

Erik: *covers his face again* Curse you!

Christine: *thinking* whoa, someone's PMSing this morning…

Erik: You little lying Delilah!

Christine: I don't know what you're saying I didn't get to see your face and you're making me sad!!

Erik: You little viper! Now you can never be free!

Christine: YOU WERE SO NICE LAST NIGHT! Oooh!! I get it!!!

Erik: Damn you!

Christine: You have…

Erik: Curse you!

Christine: SEPARATE PERSONALITIES!!

*Erik stares at her dumbfounded*

Erik: Maybe I'll let you go…for now…

*switches to Firmin*

Firmin: Mystified! The gossip with this town! Isn't it bad enough not one but BOTH my sopranos are gone and now there's gossip everywhere! WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE A PERSONAL LIFE!?

Firmin: *looks around to make sure nobody's heard him* Oh well, the seats still get sold.

Andre: Damnable! Simply Damnable! They'll all leave!

Firmin: Andre! Please don't shout! It's publicity.

Andre: But we have no cast!

Firmin: Half your cast disappears _but the crowd still cheers_

Andre: THAT's the problem! We have none of our cast! They only cheer if we have HALF!

Firmin: I got a peculiar note the other hour… It seems you've got one too.

Andre: *reading* Dear Andre, what a charming Galla. Christine was in a word sublime.

Firmin: *reading* Dear Firmin just a brief reminder, my salary has not been paid! PTO No one likes a debtor so it's better if my orders are obeyed

Both: Who would have the gaul to send this? Someone with puerile brain.

Andre: He is mocking our position

Firmin: In addition he wants money.

Andre: What a funny apparition!

Firmin: To want such a large salary!

Both: He is clearly quite—

Raoul: Where is she?

Firmin: Who? You mean Carlotta?

Raoul: o_0 why would I ask about _her_?

Firmin: I don't know, monsieur

Raoul: Anyways, I mean Miss Daae!

Firmin: Well how should we know?

Raoul: She's not with you?

Andre: Of course not!

Firmin: Of course not!

Firmin: Why would you think that!

Andre: Of course not!

Raoul: I take it that you sent me this note!

Firmin: Of course not!

Andre: Of course not!

Raoul: She's not with you then?

Andre: of course not!

Raoul: I'm confused. Isn't this the letter you wrote?

Firmin: What is it that we're meant to have written?

Andre: Of course not!

*Raoul and Firmin give Andre a look*

Raoul: What are you talking about?

Andre: *reading* Do not fear for Miss Daae the Angel of Music has her under his wing

Raoul: What is that supposed to mean? Some angel kidnapped her and is teaching her until she gets him so mad he sends her back!

Carlotta: WHERE IS HE?

Firmin: Who?

Carlotta: Your precious patron! Where is he?

Raoul: *waves* Right here! :]

Carlotta: I got your letter! I ATE it!

Firmin: You ATE your letter?

Carlotta: NO I HATE IT

Firmin: WHAT!?

Raoul: Let me read it *reads* Dear La Carlotta, you suck. Don't sing again or something terrible will happen to you. PTO TELL YOU MANAGERS MY SALARY HAS NOT BEEN PAID G.O

Andre: What's G.O? Isn't he O.G.?

Firmin: Perhaps he was mulling over something while writing his letter and accidentally ruined the placement of his letters

Andre: OF COURSE NOT!

*Firmin gives Andre look*

Both Managers: Far too many notes for my taste! And most of them about his salary! All we've heard since we've came is my salary!

Raoul: If he can't go outside and get a job what does he _need _money for anyway?

Firmin: Yoou're just being CHEAP!

Raoul: *shocked* And to think my family gives money to keep this inferno of idiots alive!

Madame Giry: Miss Daae has returned

Raoul: Is she Okay?

Madame Giry: Yes. You may NOT see her

Raoul: o_o Okay.

Madame Giry: She is in her room

Meg: She needed rest. Daddy—

Madame Giry: Megshutup!

Meg: Sorry Mother.

Carlotta and Piangi who just magically appeared: Will she sing!!??

Madame Giry: I have a note.

Andre: From who?

Madame Giry: The Opera Ghost. -_-

Firmin: *reads* I imagine you got my notes about how my theatre is to be run. Do as I say. I have finally decided my castings!

*fades to Erik's voice while he writes said letter*

Erik: *thinking* Only real men play with dolls. Believe it!!! Christine's doll looks so pretty :)

Erik: You shall cast Carlotta as the Countess and Christine as the page boy…DAMMIT! I WROTE IT WRONG!

*Erik scribbles out first part of note and starts over*

Erik: The part of the Countess requires appeal and the part should go to Miss C—DAMN IT!

*Scribbles out again*

Erik: The part of the Countess is silent making my casting—THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE

*scribbles out again*

Erik: This is S—

Erik: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I was never even taught to write properly! :( Okay…it's okay Erik…try again.

Erik: *written* Just a quick reminder. My salary has not been paid. PTO Carlotta=page boy, Christine= Countess PTO If you don't agree to my demands, something horrible will happen. –Peace, O.G.

*back to everyone else*

Firmin: :\

Andre: :O

Carlotta: :0

Raoul: 

Madame Giry: T_T

Meg: :D

Madame Giry: Meg, why are you so happy?

Meg: I have no idea!

Raoul: My brain fryed after his second scribble. What did it say?

Andre: Carlotta has to be the page boy.

Carlotta: THAT. IS. IT. I'M. OUT!

Firmin and Andre: :0 NO! Carlotta come back!!! *follow her out*

FIrmin: Look at your loving crowds

*opens doors to reveal people crying for Miss Daae*

Carlotta: *raises eyebrow*

Firmin: Oh c'mon!

Carlotta: No.

Andre: Of course not!

Firmin: Please!!

Carlotta: NO!!

*Firmin and Andre follow behind her giving her gifts singing until she finally gives in*

Firmin: One more time. P-L-E-A-S-E!

Carlotta: Ustedes esupidos! FINE! JUST LEAVE ME AND POOCHIE #1 AND #2 ALONE!

Firmin and Andre: :D

Carlotta: GET. OUT!

Firmin and Andre: =D

Carlotta: *pushes them out*

Carlotta: Ellos son tan inútiles

* * *

**A/N:** Next up is the disatrous show and All I Ask of You. Those will be fun :D

**R&R**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thanks to yauksiei and ncsigirl for the reviews

Disclaimer: I do not own the Phantom of the Opera movie or its fangirls

* * *

Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh/All I Ask of You/All I Ask of You (Reprise)

Firmin and Andre: Yay! We got Carlotta to obey us! :D

*changes to Erik in his lair*

Erik: OMG NO! They disobeyed me! SOMEONE'S GONNA DIE TONIGHT!

*back to everyone else*

Madame Giry: The angel sees, the angel knows

*Madame Giry walks into an unpopulated area of the opera house*

Madame Giry: Erik…

*Erik walks up to her*

Erik: Yes?

Madame Giry: Don't you think this is a *little* unnecessary.

Erik: No.

Madame Giry: Are you sure?

Erik: Absolutely ^_^

Madame Giry: Erik, if Raoul fell off the stage and died what would you do?

Erik: :D Did that really happen? YAY!

Madame Giry: NO Erik, that didn't really happen. I'm trying to test if you have any mental illnesses I should be aware of.

Erik: *rolls eyes* No duh I do. Otherwise I wouldn't do what I am about to do.

Madame Giry: Screw it. What do you need me to do?

Erik: *bends down to Madame Giry* it's a secret.

Madame Giry: What is it?

Erik: Well. I'm going to make Carlotta's voice worse than it already is :]

Madame Giry: It can't get any worse.

Erik: I agree but it would be lulzy

Madame Giry: I thought this was to punish the opera managers.

Erik: 0_0 It's that too.

Madame Giry: Whatever. So what do you need?

Erik: Make sure someone sits in Box 5 so I can get pissed off about that. Then, make sure Carlotta plays the Countess

Madame Giry: Erik, that all has already been arranged

Erik: OOooh. Um. Well then…

Madame Giry: How about you ruin Carlotta's voice and act ghostly?

Erik: =D Did I ever tell you I love you??

Madame Giry: Yeah, yeah. *thinking* Does he even know Meg exists? Hmm.

Erik: Ciao *leaves*

Erik: Alrighty. Number one, talk to Madame Giry *pulls out pen and paper* Check! Now, get all my arrangements made, check! Next…replace Carlotta's voice spray with something that will ruin her voice... *pulls out fake voice spray*

*Erik skips off and replaces voice spray*

Erik: *takes out list* Wait until show and scream at the crows. What? Crows? Wh-- *looks at list* OH! It said to scream at the crowds. :] I can do that! Christine will be mine!

*switches to Meg and Christine*

Meg: I think that wig looks uncomfortable

Christine: I think my part looks uncomfortable. Whatever.

Meg: Haha, sucks for you!

Christine: Ew! I have to be flirting with CARLOTTA!

Meg: *falls over laughing*

Christine: *cries* WHY DID I EVEN HAVE TO HAVE A PART IN THIS?

Meg: *straight face* Blame Daddy.

Christine: What??

Meg: I'll explain it to you in a few eons.

Christine: E comes before M in the alphabet so that means you'll tell me in less than a few months ^_^

Meg: Sure… :S

*switches to during the opera*

Raoul: This seat is creeping me out. *looks left and right paranoid*

Firmin: This is turning out better than I would have expected.

Andre: *wakes up from being asleep* uh. Uh. OF COURSE NOT!

Firmin: *glares* Shut up!

Andre: No you shut up!

Firmin: No you shut up!

Andre: NO! YOU shut up!

Firmin: NO YOU SHUT UP!

Some dude in the audience: LIGHTS DOWN MEANS STFU!

Erik: *somewhere off in the opera house* A DOOR! :D Part …three of my plan is now under way! *opens door and goes into place where somehow the audience is too stupid to look so they actually believe he is a ghost*

Erik: DID I NOT INSTRUCT THAT BOX 5 WAS TO BE KEPT EMPTY?

Audience man and woman alike: *swoons* His voice is so sexy…

Raoul: Oh shit. *faints*

Meg: it's him, Daddy*cough* I mean… THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Christine: It's really him…I want his autograph!!!!!!!!!!

Carlotta: Your part is silent!

Erik: *in his sexy voice* A toad Madame, perhaps it is you who is the toad. *thinking* must…kill…

*Carlotta gets her voice spray*

Carlotta's maids: It's all good. *thinking* if you're deaf

Erik: *smirks and tries to leave but gets hit with the door that is too low* Damnit! *walks through passageway but trips on air* For God's Sake! *fumes and goes off to find some dumbass to kill*

*Carlotta sings but sucks more than usual thanks to the voice spray*

Carlotta, Managers, and orchestra: Oh shit

Audience: LMAO! This is the best worst play I've ever seen!!!!

*Carlotta runs off stage and brings curtain down*

Firmin: *runs on stage* Andre get down from there!

Andre: Huh? *falls off box across from box 5* It's okay, I'm okay *joins Firmin* Um, audience, please enjoy yourself with this ballet

Christine: Does this mean I get to be Countess??? :D

*Meanwhile, Erik having narrowly avoided a few more clumsy moments (not avoiding some) find a dumbass to kill*

Erik: BUQUET!

Buquet: OMG WTF OPERA GHOST!

Erik: *runs after him onto the behind the set*

Buquet: *cries* dude stop! I'm old and fat and an alcoholic I can't outrun you!

Erik: I don't really care

*Buquet is chased around a bit more by Erik*

Buquet: You're insane!

Erik: Kinda bothered me when my mom said it, doesn't bother me when you say it

Erik: *traps Buquet under his grip and puts a magical lasso around his neck*

Erik: Bye bye…*smirks as he knocks Buquet off the platform*

Everyone: OMG! BODY!

Raoul: *Wakes up from passing out* OMG CHRISTINE!

*Raoul finds Christine*

Chrisitne: we're not safe here

Raoul: Yeah we are ^_^

Chrisitne: NO! He'll kill you here!

Raoul: Who?

Christine: Weren't you watching the hanging body?

Raoul: A body hung? WHERE!

Christine: Nevermind Raoul, let's just get onto the foor

Raoul: You mean the roof?

Christine: Sure.

*on the roof*

Christine: OH Raoul! His voice was so beautiful but his face was so ugly! But he was so SEXY! I don't know what to do! D:

Raoul: *pulls Christine into his arms* I can be sexy too.

Christine: You can't do it like him! D':

Raoul: *thinking* losing my woman. What should I do??? I know!!

Raoul: *begins singing All I Ask of You*

Christine: He's cute and safe. I'll take him for now. *sings along to All I Ask of You*

Erik: *watches in background* That's right, I'm sexier than you…Wait! WHAT? She's singing a corny love song with him??? HE DID NOT JUST CROSS THE LINE. ONLY I CAN SING! *or steal that song from him…*

*Christine and Raoul leave leaving Erik with his flower*

Erik: NO!!! NO!!1 *cries* WHY!!?? I JUST LOST HER TO SOME FOB WITH SWISHY HAIR!

Erik: *begins singing All I Ask of You (Reprise) to prevent himself from killing someone else*

Erik: I need a hug :(

Phangirls: NO ERIK! WE'LL HUG YOU!! ERIKKKK!!

Erik: *sadness turns to rage as any sociopath*

Erik: You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asked of you!!!

*Erik while walking back from the roof slips on ice* Goddammit!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Sorry about the wait and short chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO or anything else that isn't mine.

* * *

Masquerade/Why so Silent?/Madame Giry's Tale

*a while after AIAOY*

Andre: PARTY! PARTY!

Firmin: No Andre, Masquerade

Andre: *stares blankly* MASQUERADE! MASQUERADE!

Christine: A secret engagement

Raoul: Why is it secret again? -_-

Christine: 0_o Hello?? I can't say I'm getting married to you!

Raoul: o_x Why not?

Christine: *thinking* Shit, think of an excuse…

Christine: If the Phantom finds out…

Raoul: We already discussed this. The Phantom of the Opera exists as much as the easter bunny.

Christine: Exactly Raoul, he's real!

Raoul: :S Um, let's go dance

*everyone sings Masquerade*

*Erik walks out dressed as the Red Death and frightens everyone*

Erik: I. Have arrived. *Phantom music plays dramatically in the background*

Some dude in the crowd: NOT DRAMATIC ENOUGH!

Erik: Wh-what isn't dramatic enough?

Same dude: YOUR COSTUME! I'VE SEEN MORE DRAMATIC COSTUMES ON CHILDREN

Erik: You know what… SHUT THE HELL UP!

Erik: *turns to crowd* Hi guys! :]

Crowd: 0_0 Hi.

Erik: Guess what?

Crowd: *silence*

Erik: I said GUESS WHAT!

Crowd: What?

Erik: I wrote you guys an opera ^_^

Crowd: x_o that's…it?

Raoul: Oh shit, bye Christine *leaves*

Erik: Okay dokey. Carlotta, your acting SUCKS. GO, get acting lessons! Piangi… Jesus Christ fatty. Get skinny or die.

*Erik walks up to Christine and from watching her breasts ends up finding her engagement ring*

Erik: WTF why isn't this on your finger?.... WHOA WHOA! NO! You belong to me!

*Erik disappears as Raoul comes back in and jumps into the hole*

Raoul: Omg mirrors. I look LOVELY! *sees millions of Eriks* AH! MY EYES! *starts destroying mirrors until Madame Giry takes him out*

Raoul: You know more than I thought.

Madame Giry: Everyone knows more than you think.

Raoul: D: That wasn't nice!

Madame Giry: I'm going to ditch you unless you complete your previous thought.

Raoul: 0_x what? OH! Riiiiiiight. You know more about the Phantom then you seem to.

Madame Giry: FINE! I'll tell you. I was a young girl training to be a ballerina…

*goes into Madame Giry's flashback*

Creepy Gypsy: Come see the devil's child!

Crowd: o_o Okay

*Creepy Gypsy takes off Erik's mask*

Crowd: HAH HIS FACE ISN"T THAT BAD 0_0 BOOOOOO! It's so bad that it's funny! *laughs*

Madame Giry: *thinking* Poor little boy. His face isn't that bad. Ooh! His face looks like Scarecrow's mask! :D I shall save him!

*crowd leaves and Erik strangles Creepy Gypsy*

Madame Giry: 0_0 OMG I must save you little Scarecrow boy!!!

*Madame Giry saves Erik*

Madame Giry: Go live under the opera house and do whatever you want

Erik: Really???

Madame Giry: Yes.

Erik: :D Awesome!

*end of flashback*

Madame Giry: He was just so amazing…I'm sorry. He's a genius in every way. I love him so much! Please don't kill him!

Raoul: Clearly genius has turned to obsessive insanity.

Madame Giry: I guess that's true.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Disclaimer. I do not own Phantom of the Opera. I do, however, own Snowflake Pony's voice.

* * *

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again/ We Have all Been Blind/The Point of No Return

Christine: I MISS DADDY!

Raoul: *sleeping*

Christine: *to the horseman* To my father's grave

Horseman: Where's that?

Christine: The cemetery?

Horseman: Oh. Well. You could have mentioned that. Hold on

*Christine walks away to get a coat*

*Erik knocks Horseman out*

Erik: Oh, 'scuse me, I wanna drive.

Christine: Okay. To my father's grave. Do you get it now!!??

Erik: Uh. Yeah.

Christine: Okay. Good. Shouldn't we be off?

Erik: Um, sure.

*Raoul wakes up and realizes Christine is gone*

Raoul: OMGG WHERE IS SHE???

*Raoul runs/falls downstairs until he finds the horseman*

Raoul: Where is Christine?

Horseman: Some cloaked guy stole my carriage with her in it.

Raoul: Oh no!

Horseman: Why? Were you supposed to be watching her?

Raoul: Yes! D:

Horseman: You suck as a watchdog.

Raoul: I'm a patron. What do you expect?

Horseman: Eh, I guess.

Raoul: Where is your specialest pony?

Horseman: Over there

*Raoul sees Snowflake Pony*

Raoul: :D

*back to Christine*

Christine: *thinking* Why is father's grave so big if he was a mere violinist?

Christine: *sings Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again*

*Erik starts singing Wandering Child*

Christine: OMG it's Father even though I thought I already established that that voice belongs to the Phantom of the Opera! *is in another zombie trance*

Raoul: CHRISTINE! *falls off Snowflake Pony* CHRISTINE!

Christine: WHAT? Can't you see I'm busy?

Raoul: Oh. Sorry…WAIT! Christine! Stop, this thing! It's not your father! It's a mental disorder!

Christine and Erik who came out of his hiding place waiting for Raoul to come: -_o

Christine: What are you _talking _about?

Raoul: Erm! Fight me Mask-boy!

Erik: *smiles* It'll be my pleasure.

*Erik and Raoul start their fight*

Snowflake Pony: Dude, why are these two fighting over you?

Christine: Cuz I'm pretty. ^_^

Snowflake Pony: Ah.

Christine: 0_0 How are you talking to me?

Snowflake Pony: I'm the pony who took you to Erik's secret bachelor pad's son-in-law

Christine: Who's Erik?

Snowflake Pony: T_T Really?

Erik: She's MINE!

Raoul: No! I didn't ride a pony here dramatically to lose a swordfight to you!

Erik: Well sorry, but that's exactly what's going to happen, Mr. Patron

Raoul: Aw COME ON! Don't go there!

*Raoul sees that he will lose the swordfight if it continues*

Raoul: Hey Erik, stop for a second.

*Erik stops*

Raoul: If you thought about it, I'm your patron. Without my family's money, we can't make your opera so all your plans are ruined. If you let me win this swordfight, I promise we'll produce it.

*Erik falls over and Raoul puts his sword over him, ready to kill him*

Christine: ^_^ C'here pony, do you want some snowww?

Snowflake Pony: Not now, no thank you.

Raoul: Christiiiiiine! I'm about to kill your looooveerr!

Christine: OMG RAOUL NO!

Raoul: That's better. C'mon Christine, we're off!

*Raoul and Christine ride away on Snowflake Pony*

Raoul: *thinking* Mwhahaa! I let his carriage horses go so he's stuck here!

Erik: *realizes this* Oh no he didn't. God dammit! *seethes* Let it be war on you both! And your damn pony too!

Raoul: You guys! We've been punkd!

Firmin and Andre: 0_o Waaaa?

Andre: Of course not!

Firmin: Go on?

Raoul: Well, I say we do some awesome police set up and shoot him.

Firmin: Will it cost us?

Raoul: No.

Firmin: Deal!

Andre: Of course-- *Firmin covers Andre's mouth*

*changes to Raoul and Christine*

Christine: I'm SCARED!

Raoul: it's okay

Christine: No, it's not! Raoul, if we kill him the voice won't go away!

Raoul: Wait, do you really hear voices?

Christine: Yeah, I think I do. -_-

Raoul: Please Christine. He'll be dressed all sexy just for you

Christine: :D Okay! C'mon Raoul! Let's gooo!

*switches to Erik*

Erik: Seal my fate tonight, I hate to--*Erik's wig falls off* Dammit, why won't you stay on! *puts wig back on* to have to cut the fun short. But the-- *Erik's fake forehead falls off* WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? *puts forehead back on and takes mask* joke's wearing thin. *takes candle* Let the audience in. Let my opera begin!

*lights dollhouse thing on fire until he notices part of his wig burning as well*

Erik: OH MY GOD! *stamps out wig* THIS IS NOT WORTH IT!

*Switches to the beginning the performance of Don Juan*

Random Audience Member: It's making me uncomfortable having all this police around me

Audience Member #2: THIS OPERA SUCKS!

*Erik kills Piangi in order to save his show and what little dignity he still has*

*Erik and Christine start singing Point of No Return*

Audience Member #3: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FAT GUY!?

Erik: Shh.

Raoul: Omg. Why am I breaking up such a good couple!???!!

Police Guy: Cause he's insane

Raoul: She's insane too!

Police Guy: Oh. I guess you have a point…

*Raoul watches Erik touching her*

Raoul: THAT CHEATING WHORE!

Police Guy: This is an opera. Calm down T_T

Erik: Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Lead me, save me from my solitude.

Raoul: THOSE ARE MY LINES YOU LINE STEALER!

Erik: Say you'll want me here beside you. Anywhere you go let me go too, Christine, that's all I ask of—

*Christine pulls off Erik's mask revealing his deformity*

Christine: Aw! Look at that poor sunburned face of yours!

Erik: What? You're not appalled!?

Christine: I can't believe it!

Erik: FINALLY!

Christine: You're a…BLONDE! Without swishy hair!!!

Erik: No! THIS MUST BE DRAMATIC! *cuts chandelier and takes Christine underground*

Audience: 0_0 OMG PANIC!!!

Raoul: Madame Giry! I need your help!

Madame Giry: Yes, monsieur?

Raoul: Take me to his lair!

Madame Giry: Don't tell him, mmkay?

Meg: I WANNA SEE DADDY!

Madame Giry: MEG SHUT UP! And no.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I really don't own any of this, do I? :(

* * *

Down Once More/Track Down This Murderer

Erik: NO PONY RIDES FOR YOU!

Christine: 0_0 NO!!!

Erik: *stops in his place on the stairs and glares at her * You. Revealed. My. Sunburn-er-facial disfigurement!

Christine: But you lied to me! I had to! YOU POSED AS MY FATHER! :'(

*both look at each other*

Erik: W-what? Why am I even talking to you? *grabs her and continues down the stairs*

Erik (singing): Down once more to the dungeon of my black despair!

Down we plunge to the prison of my mind!

Down that path into darkness deep as hell!

Christine: 0_o It's that deep?

Erik: -_- Nevermind.

*changes to Raoul and Madame Giry*

Madame Giry: Keep your hand at the level of your eyes.

Raoul: Mmmkay *thinking* Christine was pretty hot in that opera. Who is this woman? What is that supposed to mean?

Madame Giry: Listen Raoul, keep your hand at the level of your eyes. It will save your life.

Raoul: Yup, sure. *thinking* hmm, I wonder what happened to the phantom guy. His face was pretty red. Oh damn, the opera's on fire! NO! MY FAMILY GAVE MONEY TO THAT DUMP!

Madame Giry: Good Luck Mousier. *thinking* he'll need it

Raoul: Thank you…er…

Madame Giry: Madame Giry T_T

Raoul: *smiles* yes, thank you Christine's blonde friend's mother

Raoul: Tra-la-la-la-la :D I'm going to save Christine! La-la-la-- :O *falls into trap door*

Raoul *thinking* MY HAIR! MY SWISHY HAIR! IT'S RUINED!!

*Raoul watches as cage falls onto him*

Raoul *thinking* OMG! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!? IM JUST AN INNOCENT PATRON! *looks at valve* OMG YES! FATE LOVES ME :D

*turns valve and makes the gate go back up*

Raoul: *victory dance*

*Back to Christine and Erik*

Christine: Have you finally killed enough people for your evil liking?

Erik: 0_o I never killed anyone

Christine: -_- What about Piangi?

Erik: The fat guy?

Christine: Yeah

Erik: Er..um..he…made me do that.

Christine: Then what about Buquet?

Erik: I MADE THAT SHOW ENTERTAINING! HAVE YOU HEARD CARLOTTA SING?!

Christine: Fine. Fine. What are you going to do to me?

Erik: *holds up wedding dress* marry me.

Christine: Um..

Erik: NOWW!

Christine: o_o Okay.

*Raoul comes and finds Phantom/Erik*

Raoul: WHERE'S CHRISTINE! *Hits gate in his panic and falls over*

Erik: Over here. Thanks for coming I guess.

Raoul: Show Me Christine!

Erik *shows Christine* Jesus…Calm down.

Raoul: HEY! :D IT'S CHRISTINE! HI CHRISTINE! I'M HERE TO SAVE YOUUU!

Erik *rolls eyes* Come on in. *raises gate*

Raoul: OH CHRISTINE! HOW DID YOU END UP HERE? BUT DON'T WORRY MY LOVE I'M HERE TO SAVE YO-- *Erik throws magical lasso around him* *chokes*

Christine: 0_o What are you doing???

Erik: I don't like him. *thinking* he has better hair than me NO NOBODY CAN HAVE BETTER HAIR THAN ME

Christine: I kinda pitied you. Now I hate you :(

Erik: 0_0 :'O What!? *pulls Raoul's noose tighter*

Christine: NO STOP! I don't hate you! I feel bad for you and your sunburn!

Raoul: I'd recommend you put mayonnaise on that to stop the burning

Erik and Christine: 0_o

Erik: WTF SHUT UP! *pulls on noose*

Raoul: *starts to sing even though that is a dumbass idea*

Christine: RAOUL! What are you doing! Shut up!

Raoul: I..I tried so hard to free you.. *looks to Erik* why am I being hung?

Erik: Hanged. And um, well, either Christine picks me and my sunbur—

Christine: It IS a sunburn!

Erik *glares* No, it's not. I meant tortured soul or she lets you die

Raoul: You won't kill me

Erik: Yes I will

Raoul: No you wont

Erik: YES I WILL

Raoul: NO YOU WONT

Erik: JESUS CHRIST YES I WILL. *turns to Christine* Choose now or I'll kill him to end my annoyance

Christine: I DON'T WANNA D:

Erik: CHOOSE!

Christine: I can't D': *thinking* Rauol, Phantom…Rauol is safe…Phantom is sexy…Phantom has a cool bachelor pad…Rauol is offering eternal love…Phantom has a BOAT and PONIES AHHH!

Erik and Raoul: FOR GOD'S SAKE CHOOSE!

Christine: You poor ugly thing, come here, I love you too. *kisses Phantom*

Raoul: *thinking* Okay…do they know I'm still here? Hmm. I dunno. Woah! Woah! WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Erik: *cries* I'm sorry! GO NOW BEFORE THE DUMBASSES--er--POLICE COME! GO!

*Christine undoes Rauol and they leave*

(Erik and monkey session 122334242)

Erik: Oh monkey! You are my only friend! You gave me the idea for my mask! I shall sing to you! Why are you my only friend!

Monkey: *thinking* you think I'm going to talk to you…

Christine: *gives back ring* I'm sorry. You're …you're just…just…not a brunette.

Erik: I AM! I AM! I AM NOT A BLONDE D:

Christine: not really. You're sexier as a brunette, mmmkay?

Erik: *cries again*

*Christine leaves with Rauol*

Erik: THIS SUCKS! Um…hmm. I'll sing! :D

*breaks mirrors*

Erik: *thinking* WHY AREN'T I A BRUNETTE! WHY AREN'T I A BRUNETTE! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT

Erik: Screw this place. I'm off. *leaves*

Meg: DADDY'S MASK :D

Fin


End file.
